Chapter 1
On the day of our wedding, a car crash claimed the lives of both my parents and Adam Hacith's.
Everyone said it was my fault for insisting on holding the wedding that day.
I knew Adam blamed me, too. I spent every ounce of energy trying to atone, hoping he would someday move on.
It was the sixth year of our marriage—and the sixth year since I was diagnosed with depression. Drowning in that endless darkness, I saw my parents and in-laws, who I believed had been dead for six years.
"Adam, are we really doing the right thing? Sophia has changed a lot over the years."
"Just because we once called her 'princess,' she thinks she actually is one. A girl like her needs to be humbled. Honestly, I think things are just fine the way they are now."
"Exactly! Our family doesn't lack daughters. We need to think about Kellie as well. You've always been far too soft on her."
Standing outside the door, it felt like I was plunged into icy waters. The last thread I'd been clinging to snapped.
"Hello, I'd like to schedule euthanasia for next week. I... I can't keep going."
***
The day my severe depression returned, I plastered on a smile and went home. I followed my usual routine, which was buying groceries, cooking, feeding the dog, and cleaning.
The clock continued to tick. I sat at the dining table in a daze, staring at the hot meal as it gradually lost its warmth. My stomach churned with hunger, but I felt no desire to eat.
The door swung open. Automatically, I smiled and reached for Adam's slippers, but someone else got there first.
Laughing, she held up the drunken man, her words cutting deep. "Sophia, today is the memorial day for our parents. Why were you with another man again? Adam doesn't want to see you right now. Let me take care of him."
My hand hovered in the air, motionless. A weight like a boulder pressed down on my chest, and no amount of frantic breathing could ease it.
For all those years, Adam had always had someone around him. I kept convincing myself, "He's in too much pain and needs a way to cope. As long as... as long as his heart remains intact."
But this moment felt different. The person next to him was my own sister, Kellie Kimbere. She had free access to his office, his home, and even his bed.
I gazed at a face so uncannily similar to mine, and a deep, persistent ache filled my heart. As a child, I lost my parents. Now, as an adult, I was losing Adam.
She was like a spider web, intricately spun around me, as if everything I held dear and yearned for would ultimately belong to her.
Determined not to give in, I held Adam's arm. "Husband and wife should stand by each other. There's no such thing as being a burden."
Adam looked at me with misty eyes. He often looked at me like this, his eyes brimming with love. He would say he could never tire of gazing at me, that even a moment without seeing me was a moment of regret.
Perhaps it had been too long since he looked at me that way, or maybe I was on the brink of breaking down. Tears filled my eyes and uncontrollably streamed down my face.
Suddenly, I felt lightheaded and was pushed to the ground. He grabbed my jaw firmly. "Who was the man you saw today? You were laughing so joyously!"
"I... I didn't meet anyone!"
The overpowering stench of alcohol hit me as he spoke with biting sarcasm. "You went to see your therapist again, didn't you? Can't even come up with a new excuse!"
"Sophia Kimbere, do you even have a conscience? After causing so many deaths, you still manage to laugh. Aren't you scared they'll haunt you at night?"
I dropped to my knees, wracked by a painful cough as guilt surged through me once more.
This was all my doing. Entirely my fault.
If I hadn't insisted on having the wedding that day, the car accident wouldn't have occurred, and our parents would still be alive.
Howard Hacith and Mary Hacith were incredibly kind. They told me they had no daughter and promised to treat me like their own once we were married.
Back then, Adam would sit with them, clicking his tongue in mock annoyance. He joked that they had "forgotten their son since gaining a daughter-in-law," but his face was filled with pride and joy, as if celebrating the moment he would finally wed me.
But everything changed. What was supposed to be my happiest day turned into a nightmare, trapping Adam and me in the past.
He married me, but he also learned to resent me.
Chapter 2
He resented me for insisting on having the wedding that day, for causing him to lose his parents, and most of all, for daring to dream of moving on and starting anew.
That familiar wave of self-loathing surged within me, and the temptation to give up resurfaced. Just let me go.
Yet, the final words of Howard and Mary before they passed held onto me like an enchantment. They had pleaded with me to remain by Adam's side until he could let go of the past—only then would they find peace.
My task was unfinished. I couldn't leave this world yet.
With this determination in mind, I crawled into the living room on my hands and knees. Shaking, I reached for the pill bottle, only for it to be snatched away from me. When I looked up, tears were streaming down my face.
"Oh, Sophia! Why are you taking antidepressants?"
Adam rushed to my side, looking at me with a puzzled expression. "You were really... sick? Why didn't you tell me?! Let's go to the hospital right now!
"Who would have thought? You always seemed so happy and carefree. Could someone like you really be depressed? Don't tell me you were just making an excuse..."
Adam's expression suddenly turned cold, as if a chilling realization had struck him, and he tossed the medicine I'd just opened into the trash.
I dropped to the floor and frantically searched through the trash. I couldn't give up now. If I surrendered, Adam would be forever trapped in the past.
Pulling the pill bottle from the refuse, I shook with anxiety as I twisted off the cap and poured a handful of pills into my mouth.
Taking the medication would improve things; just take the medicine, and that unsettling feeling would fade away.
A sudden, violent grip tightened around my wrist, and I was yanked into the bathroom, half-dragged and half-pulled. My hair was yanked, and a finger jammed into my mouth, twisting until I gagged and threw up uncontrollably.
"Sophia, haven't you had enough of these pathetic stunts? If you want to die, do it somewhere else. Don't play the martyr in front of me. It just makes me feel worse!"
The door banged shut behind him as he left with Kellie. I collapsed onto the bathroom floor like a lifeless animal, my gaze fixed on the empty pill bottle, completely drained.
Inadvertently, my finger pressed a number, and a calm, emotionless voice responded.
"Hello, Euthanasia Appointment Center. How may I assist you?"
Realizing what had slipped from my lips, I quickly ended the call, heart racing, and wiped away the tears.
I thought, "No! I can't leave Adam behind!"
The following morning, I faced the mirror, plastered on a wide smile, wished myself a happy birthday, and hoped for Adam's happiness and serenity.
Yet, the sorrow and hollowness in my eyes lingered. All I could manage was to meticulously reshape the curve of my smiling lips.
Clutching a thermal lunch box, I stood silently outside the office, waiting for the secretary to let them know I was there. The odd looks and murmurs from the office staff felt like blunt knives slicing into me. My legs felt numb by the time I was finally invited in.
Kellie was seated on the sofa, enjoying some fruit, while Adam leaned over to gently wipe the corner of her mouth, eagerly tidying up the lunch containers.
I recognized it immediately. It was Adam's cooking.
Honestly, he wasn't all that skilled in the kitchen.
During my teenage years, when my parents were unable to care for both of us, I was placed with the Hacith family. Howard and Mary treated me with kindness, but I still seemed to wither away before their eyes.
Adam would often wear a stoic expression as he clumsily cooked eggs for me, a quiet understanding shared between us during those early days.
In our most treasured year together, he took charge of all my meals, ranging from intimate candlelit dinners to comforting home-cooked dishes. Even when his hands were blistered from hot oil, he would conceal the burns behind his back, pretending to be indifferent as he awaited my response. Little did he know his bright eyes had already given him away.
He once said, "To win a woman's heart, you must first capture her stomach. I'll make you so accustomed to my cooking that you'll never be able to leave me."
Chapter 3
But then everything shifted. People changed. It all came to an end.
His impatient stare had felt like a sharp knife piercing my heart, causing my breath to catch.
Kellie lowered her head, feigning shyness. "Sophia, this was all my fault. Brother Adam had cooked for me, and I should have stopped him. Let me encourage him to eat more, so your efforts wouldn't be wasted."
As she had said this, she had reached for the lunchbox in my hand. I had instinctively pulled back, and she had ended up falling to the ground.
Adam exploded with anger, lashing out and kicking my wrist. The food from the thermal bucket crashed to the floor, creating a chaotic mess.
I collapsed to the ground, dazed by the sharp pain in my wrist.
Adam, realizing what he had done, instinctively moved to help me but hesitated, stopping his hand in mid-air.
"You need to do some soul-searching. Don't think the world revolves around you," he said.
"It's Kellie's birthday today. What's the problem with my cooking for her? Is it fair to have double standards?"
The guilty look on his face slowly faded. He started speaking with more conviction, eventually meeting my gaze with a mix of emotions before delivering his verdict. "Sophia, I wish I had never met you."
My mind was spinning. I had no idea how I managed to leave the office in such a miserable state. People rushed by, and everything felt like a gigantic illusion as I drifted through the streets like a lost spirit.
By nightfall, I somehow ended up at the old house. The cozy villa was bathed in a warm yellow glow. I blinked in disbelief, then hurried to the door in just a few steps, only to hear laughter coming from inside.
"Happy birthday to our precious Kellie! May your life be filled with joy and free from worries!"
"We also wish Kellie endless happiness and a life free of worries. Here's your present!"
As I stood outside the window, disheveled, I watched Kellie seated in the middle, graciously receiving our family's well-wishes.
But... hadn't they died in that car crash years ago? Was I imagining this?
"Adam, Henry, and Sophia have really changed over the years. Perhaps we misjudged her back then. Should we come clean with her?"
"Howard! It's Kellie's birthday today. Let's avoid gloomy topics!"
"What misunderstanding? The private investigator caught her with another man in those photos. She's an ungrateful, faithless daughter! We failed as parents, and we owe Adam an apology."
Adam, sitting nearby, calmly poured tea and raised a toast to both parents. "Dad, Mom, let's not bring up others on Kellie's birthday."
The lively chorus of "Happy Birthday" echoed once more in the room, and it hit the last straw in my mind.
They were not dead after all. He had never had faith in me. Years of seeking redemption, self-reproach, agony, and hardship had all been a cruel joke!
Kneeling on the floor, I clutched my chest, gasping for air, trying to smile, but ending up in tears.
With shaky hands, I called a number I had saved for a long time. "I want to make an appointment for euthanasia next week. I... I can't keep going."
Chapter 4
Physically and mentally drained, I made my way back to the villa. Adam was on the couch, engrossed in phone calls, while Kellie stood beside him, speaking softly to calm him down.
When I walked in, Adam struggled to contain his frustration. "Is disappearing on a whim fun for you, Sophia? When will you stop being such a pain?!"
I observed his worried expression with composure, and unexpectedly, a glimmer of hope rose within me—the hope that he might finally reveal everything. "Adam, after all these years, isn't there something you want to tell me?"
A look of guilt and surprise flickered across his face, and he turned away to avoid meeting my eyes.
Kellie quickly jumped in, "Sophia, what are you saying? If you hadn't been so stubborn and thrown tantrums, our parents wouldn't have died, and Adam wouldn't have had to endure all these years!"
Years of bottled-up grievances, repression, and anger surged within me. I raised my hand and slapped her across the face. "Kellie, you have no right to speak here! Sleeping with your own brother-in-law. How revolting!"
Before she could reply, Adam roared like a lion defending its territory. "Do you think everyone is as filthy as you! What's your true relationship with that man? Quit talking nonsense about seeing a therapist!"
My heart felt like it plummeted to the depths. Despite his accusations, I found an unexpected calmness and said slowly, "Adam, we should get a divorce."
He gripped my wrist tightly, knocked over the coffee table, and demanded through clenched teeth. "Sophia, repeat what you just said! Are you leaving me for that man?"
I doubled over with laughter, tears pouring down my face, and asked, "Adam, did you ever trust me? Did you ever really trust me?"
Suddenly, the whole house went completely silent, except for the voice of a teenager—casual and clear—emanating from a program he had created years ago, which chimed in right at midnight.
"Happy birthday, Sophia! Wishing you all the best and peace in the future. Though it's a bit cliché, keep smiling. I've put in so much effort, so don't forget to pick me as your boyfriend someday! Just joking! Sophia, as long as you're happy, that's what matters, even if you don't end up choosing me."
Adam stood there in shock, slowly releasing his grip on my arm. He gazed at me with a vacant expression and said, "I'm sorry, I... today is your birthday as well."
I pulled away from him and simply looked at his face. A deep sense of exhaustion washed over me once more. The young man who used to see only me had vanished.
Adam's heart began to race inexplicably, as if he were losing something precious.
"Sophia, I..."
"Adam, I feel so dizzy."
He instinctively picked her up and raced to the hospital. As he dashed past me, he quickly apologized, "Sophia, wait for me. We'll have a proper conversation when I return."
Watching his broad back retreat, I called out to him one final time, "Adam, goodbye forever."
The sense of loss intensified. Adam, hardly ever rattled, felt his hands trembling. The woman he carried let out a soft moan, pushing him to keep moving, so he didn't pause.
Adam stood in the hospital hallway, haunted by the memory of those determined and emotionless eyes. It wasn't until the cigarette burned his finger that he snapped back to the present.
With shaking hands, he called a number. "Launch an investigation! I want a full report on everything about my wife—every detail from the past few years!"
The familiar number gave him a busy signal. Panic set in, but he kept telling himself, "She loves me deeply and is easy to appease. I just need to make up for the missed birthday gift later. Plus, we really should have a proper conversation.
"Regardless of whether she betrayed me, that's behind us now. As long as she leads a happy life with me moving forward, I'll forgive and forget.
"Absolutely! It's time to reveal the truth about the car accident. I can't let her carry that guilt indefinitely."
These persistent reassurances slowly eased his mind. As he observed his parents nervously standing by the hospital bed, the image of the solitary young girl from his past kept resurfacing in his thoughts.
How could he have overlooked that it was always she who felt truly alone?
He picked up his pace until he was sprinting. He needed to get home!